I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
