Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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