like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sarcasm needs its own font
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
