:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize