this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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