My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
