So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
