He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
