Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
