Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
