I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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