did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
