we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
