I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
