party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
