ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
