thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize