you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
