My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
