I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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