My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I AM VODKA MAN
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
