I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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