They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
