I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
