Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
honey bunches of taint.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
