Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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