just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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