Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
