I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
