I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
