you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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