I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
