I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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