if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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