Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
