I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
