I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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