did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize