Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
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Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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