i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
tell me about the fingering
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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