benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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