At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize