your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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