im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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