JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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