I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
