Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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