$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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