i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want to make a zoo with you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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