last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
