she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
