I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
