And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize