apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Drunk is not a location!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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