you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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