yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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