I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
