If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
