you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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