Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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