is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
