Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
