hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
