i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
