I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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