come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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