just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
