then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They took my balls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
