She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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