Kiss
Puke
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
