I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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