So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
