So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A bitchslap is in order.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
