i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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