I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
