I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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