I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
