I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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