I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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