I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
