thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
