Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
