She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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