I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
