After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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