I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
