I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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