I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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