Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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