Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
