She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
